tilly ferrari

I’m 23 and having an existential crisis

My name is Tilly, I’m 23, recently graduated and having an existential crisis. I can’t be the only one either.

I’m not sad, quite happy really. I’m just confused as fuck.

I don’t feel like anyone gives you a heads up as to what life is like after education. I, like many, did my 18 years, with a brief gap year, in the British education system, graduating in July last year. The day after I graduated I set off a on a month of solo travel around South-East Asia in the hope I would find myself, grow up a little and come back to the UK as a fully fledged adult, ready to settle into full-time employment and adult life.

I was wrong.

And that’s not something I can admit very easily. I returned home fiercely independent, in love with the world but wholly bewildered as to where my place in the world was. For someone who has always had a clear 5-year plan, was extremely driven and liked routine, this is tough. I no longer know what I want to do with my life, I just know that I need to do something that will make a difference. I just don’t know how to do it.

Being an adult.

It’s overrated. Avoid at all costs. I’ve done what most high-achieving, Russell Group University Students do and bagged myself a great post-graduate job. It’s well-paid, in the industry I adore and I’m surrounded by a great team of people. Is there a big empty void and a question mark hanging over my head as to whether I’m making a positive impact on the world? Hell yes. But I’m learning every day and that’s a good thing right?

What even is an existential crisis?

I don’t know. But I’m definitely having one. It’s pretty wild ngl. Does every adult reach their young-professional stage and know what they’re meant to do, because I really haven’t got that. I think I’m working it out, I just wasn’t prepared to feel this way.

Where now?

I don’t have the answer to that. If you’ve ended up here hoping for some answers, I’m not your gal. I’ll just stay in my pyjamas, eating a multi-pack of miniature Daim bars calling it ‘self-care’, because self-care works right?

If you’re life is just as tragic as mine, follow me on Instagram @tillyferrari. Or even if you’re not remotely tragic, follow me for a pity like?

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